Obsessive Pattern is an audio-piece playing the breathes between the muted words MY and FUTURE.
A piece of writing documents the process of resolution from an obsession through a visual disturb and eventually to a defeated compulsion.
Canterbury, January 2016
'All I did not want to do was wasting my time.
My future, my future, my future, my future sounded obsessive in my mind. Usually writing takes half of my anxiety away. No CTRL-C and CTRL-V at this time, but typing m-y f-u-t-u-r-e m-y f-u-t-u-r-e m-y f-u-t-u-r-e on the keyboard. Mechanical - No mind involved - Narcoleptic. No mistyping for a while. I printed it. The sheet had 14pt of letter font alternated with 14pt of interline, symmetrical and still visually disturbing.
MY FU-TU-RE MY FU-TU-RE MY FU-TU-RE MY FU-TU-RE- I said repeatedly. My voice resounded loudly in the room. It is difficult not to break the breath. I took a few tries. Then it turned into a mantra. TU- RE- MY- FU- TU- RE- MY- FU- TU- RE- MY- FU- TU- RE- MY- FU- TU- RE- MY- FU- TU- RE- MY- FU- RE- MY- FU- Persistent – No mind involved - Mesmerizing. My future - for an unperceived time. I recorded it. The rhythm of words and pauses between my and future was regular but not rational yet.
My future – no longer a concern but a sound of recurrent breathes.'